7.7.22 Black and White

Hi sweetie. It's ok. You can come out to talk. It's safe. How ironic is this - because the thing that's causing me the most harm, the thing that is making me feel unsafe, is within me.

I'm restless and edgy. Tired but also wide awake. Rested yet exhausted. Somehow calm but I also have a deep desire to scream and pull my hair. I feel like I don't understand myself. Like I don't know who I am anymore.

But maybe that's OK. Things aren't always black and white. I like when things are neat, clear cut- either good or bad, yes or no. I'm not great with the maybe, with the gray area. Maybe because the gray has many layers, many options, there's at least fifty shades of gray (that's what EL James believes). Gray is not clear cut. Gray is about using your intuition when making life choices. Gray is trusting myself to make choices that bring me closer to white.