8.25.22 Stranger in the Mirror

Dear Stranger in the Mirror,

I love you, but do you love me? I unconditionally accepted you. Saw past the fire breathing dragon and saw that you were just a helpless little girl on the side of the road. I held you, hugged you while you cried. Accepted you for who you are. But do you love me? Do you see me? I’m starting to feel like this is a one sided relationship. You just take but you don’t appreciate. You don’t appreciate my smile that lights up a room. You don’t see how much my heart glows when I give to others, not accepting anything in return. You don’t see how hard I fight to be who I am, to be so cheerful and loving. That I am beautiful inside and out. You don’t see that I have blossomed into a leader. That I am resilient. That I am a survivor. How hard I try to make others smile, whether that’s healthy or not. Stranger in the Mirror, you just take, you are needy. You bring me down. You don’t let me see how brave I am. How soft I am. How smart I am. How I am so deep, deeper than my years. You don’t see how amazing I am. How I used rock bottom as a springboard time and time again. How I never give up. How I am always growing, always looking deeper. How much I love to share. How friendly and insightful I am. How brave I am. How I face fear, look it in the eye, and fight it. How forgiving I am; that I can just let things go and move on. How I don’t let things get to me. How I can still see others and care about them through my times of pain. How I shine and thrive at everything I do. That I am a warrior. How I am so humble that I don’t usually see just how amazing I am. How I stand tall after the all winds tried to blow me down. How I stick to my values unquestionably. How I try to keep G-d in my life. How I was brave enough to leave. How much I have grown. How I’ve done it all on my own. How I fight to follow my dreams. How many times I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone to do what’s right. How I have patience to deal with difficult people. How I give others the benefit of the doubt. How I am sassy and funny. How I can easily laugh at myself. How I made do, and do so well, with the resources I have. How I worry unnecessarily. How much I respect my time and others’. How I aim to take advantage of every moment. How I put my preferences aside to make others comfortable. Why don’t you love me like I love you? You were so broken and I was there for you. Why won’t you fight for me, like I do for you? How I pull myself together, even when it’s the last thing I want to do. How I greet everyone with a smile, even when I am crying on the inside. How I care, really care, about others. How I empathize with them, and deeply feel their pain. How I remember little details about others and make an effort to follow up about them. How I advocate for myself, even though I thought it was against my nature. I deserve to be loved, just for breathing, just for being alive.

You make me ask why am I worthy when I am worthy of everything. I don’t have to do anything or earn anything, I am worthy of it all. Even if I wasn’t a fighter or a survivor. Even if I wasn’t skinny, or smart, or pretty. I deserve to be loved just because I was created, because God chose to bring me into this world. That he creates every moment just for me. I deserve to be loved and to love myself, to have you, the Stranger in the Mirror love me. I deserve to smile and have you smile in return. Why are you so hard on me Stranger in the Mirror, can’t you see me as the beautiful being that I am? A shining light, a beacon of hope. Don’t you want to get to know the beautiful reflection that you see staring back at you? I just want you to see me and love me for who I am.

Sincerely,

Your reflection