7.4.22 Isolation

Isolation: it’s always been a scary word – being alone, being cut out. It’s where sinners are placed and ridiculed. Then COVID hit and isolation became the norm. Everyone was alone and scared and crawling out of their skin, waiting for things to go back to how they used to. To go back to normal. To live again. To us, what they felt during those months of isolation, we feel on a daily basis – and is likely 100x more potent than they isolation they experienced.

Today I am in isolation. I’m not healthy enough to be there for my family, I’m unable to drive a car. I can’t even be fully alone. I am taking handfuls of prescriptions and the people like my doctor keep calling to see how I am doing. It sounds sweet but likely they just want to make sure I didn’t “do anything stupid”.

In reality, my biggest fear is in fact isolation – funny isn’t it (maybe ironic is the better word) that I have to keep facing my fears to grow, or to realize that perhaps they are not as frightening as I thought they were. Either way, I have empty time during this isolation, what will I do with it? Here are my options:

Sleep

Read

Journal

Invite a friend over

Rest

Spend the next 48 hours working on this – ding ding ding we have a winner

I need to take care of myself during this time, sleep and eat and rest and be mindful. If this time comes to opening those doors then let it be – I am all alone taking care of myself. I’m not ok but I know I will be.

So what is behind the closed doors?

Am I ready to open them?