7.16.22 Judgement

Don't you just love it when people come over to you and say "why can't you just be happy" or "just change your mindset and you'll feel better" or best of all, "we all have trauma and pain but we don't act like you are. We don't try anything stupid. We get through it normally." Really? Do you really think I haven't tried anything and everything to get out of this rut? Do you really think I haven't spent the last decade fighting like hell to overcome the demons? Do you really think that I am not giving my all in trying to get back to normal? To get my fight and my fire back? I don't want to feel like this. I hate this. I want this to just be a thing of the past. But until then, keep your judgment to yourself. You have no idea how much agony I am in. How every unbearable moment drags on like an hour. How much I hurt. I've been doing my best to distract myself from the pain but sometimes it's just not enough. Don't judge me, you haven't walked a mile in my shoes.