7.6.22 Who am I

I can't breathe. My heart is racing. I'm waiting for the Ativan to kick in. It's crazy. This morning, I was totally fine, L and I were organizing the kitchen. The minute things were quiet again I started feeling that restless, itching to get out feeling.

Well I'm here now, show yourself! "Come out! Let me see who you are and what you look like" I yell out into an empty field.

The monster is slowly morphing into a little girl version of myself crying at the side of the road. She is crying so hard; her whole body is shaking. The little girl is curled in, clutching her sides and when she looks up, there is pain and fear in her eyes.

“Oh honey, what's wrong? I'm here for you.” I go over to the little girl and hold her tight, kiss her head and stay with her as her moans of pain turn into quiet sniffles. I hold her for hours and hours, from the darkness of sunset when I found her all the way to sunrise. I just sit and hold her.

Morning is here now and the girl seems a lot better. She lost the sadness in her eyes and she walks away with a smile and a pep in her step.

I still don't know who you are and why you are here. However, I do know what you need. You need to be held and empathized with. I love you little girl.

Until next time.