12.8.22 Frozen

I feel stuck and it's extremely I comfortable because all I want to do is move. It's unbearable, to want something so much and be unable to do it. It's like being frozen midstride. All I want to do is take another step, but I can't move. I wonder if I am subconsciously preventing myself from moving forward, if my paralysis is a voluntarily decision. Maybe it's fear that's freezing me up. That perhaps the thought of moving forward opens me to too much vulnerability. That as long as I stay locked up or shut down, I don't have to deal with reality. With the things I have been pushing off. With the things I am not ready to face. With the things I am too scared to face. Does this block mean I'm not ready?

I can't get it out. I'm too distracted, too frustrated. I want to write, to connect, but I can't bring myself to do it. I want to do anything but.

Maybe the key isn't to push myself. Maybe the key is to surrender. Allow the block to be without pushing at it. Without resisting it.

And maybe once I let go, the words will begin to flow.

Until next time,

A