11.6.22 Broken Chains

What happens when you finally break free? For so long I have been fighting to escape these manacles. I've been held down by their weight. Locked in an unbreakable cycle. But today, I realized that the links are slowly getting looser. Their uncomfortable weight has shifted to an unfamiliar lightness. The chains are still there but somehow they are not as tight as they used to be. It's ironic. I've always thought the heaviness to be suffocating but this extra wiggle room feels so foreign, so dangerous; it's almost choking me. It's terrifying that something I've wanted for all this time, something I have worked so hard to achieve, is so uncomfortable. My spirit has been locked up for so long that it's sore. It needs to stretch into the extra space, to learn to use the muscles that have long been forgotten. I guess I am disappointed that this freedom doesn't feel safe yet. That reaching it hasn't solved all my problems and erased all my pain. The chains may be looser, but they are still there. There is more work to be done. More exploring to do. And the knowledge that the feelings of discomfort will increase or remain each time I venture into free-er territory is frightening. But it's not scary enough to stop me from moving forward.

Until next time,

A